Aug 3.

This weekend was crazy.  My brother called me and said that the world is ending and Obama banned religion.  When he called me, I was half sleep.  He kept talking on and on about how the world is ending and I need to listen to the news more often.  I just blew it off.  He talked to my mother the same day and made her cry. So, of course, I talked to her today.

My mother and I talked for three hours about being gay.  She mention that being gay is a choice. But, I could hear in voice that she also leaned to the gay life, but lives straight. She loves my father too much.   She's straight, but it's funny that she thought about being gay. 

My mom accepts me, but wish I was straight.  She doesn't want me to practice being gay. But, you don't have to have sex to be gay. 

It's like when a black man will do anything to be white.  It can't happen.  The same way, a true gay person tries to be straight. 

This weekend, I when to a straight swinger party because I bi girl was telling me about it. I never been to one, so I decided to check it out. I felt so out of place.  I was the only Lesbian and guys wanted to have sex with me. I felt so uncomfortable and so uneasy, I just watched and looked. I when home to sleep.  It also made me see, I want a long-term relationship, instead playing the field. I did fool around with one girl, but it I didn't have sex with her.  It was crazy and weird.  It just proves that GLBT people don't choose, but they are. 

Talking to my mother and understanding her point of view, I love her.  She loves to be Queen Bitch, but she's making efforts to understand my feelings and thoughts about my life. 

For the first time, she told me that God loves me and that means alot from her.  My mom will not be joining PFLAG anytime soon.

I still have not been on a date yet, but still looking.