Tonight

I went out drinking with some co-workers and friends. My friends were the lesbian and her partner and a gay guy who I work with.  My friend the lesbian has been with her partner for 20 years.  Wow. That's a long time, but it can happen. 

I want to date, but I am so afraid because I don't want to get hurt again. See, if you date random women, you can't get hurt because you don't feel anything, just sex. You don't care about them and they don't care about you. So, it is perfect.

But, I do want that special person in my life, but I'm a just guard my heart.  I hate to feel this way, but it is so true.  I am looking for that person who can break down my walls and make me whole. 

My last true love did a number on me, but I feel sorry for her.  I just want her to tell me, "I am truly sorry. I wish, I could make things better and I learned for my mistakes." 

That's all I want for her.  Also, I want her to feel great about herself.  She is so beautiful, sexy and hot.  Thinking about her, make me wet, but when she opens her mouth, I just want to throw up. 

I just pray, she will love herself  and know that she is a wonderful and loving person when she wants to be. That is why, I feel in love with her because she had a good heart, but for some reason her heart turned into a big black ice cube. 

So, I am going to fight my fear like a butch woman and find the woman for me, who love me for me. I am looking for friend who I can tell anything too. I'm looking for comfort and love.  Because I will love her the same.